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Bear in mind “The Courting Recreation”? It was a kind of exhibits that people of a sure age would watch after we stayed house from college pretending to be bleeding from our eyeballs with hemorrhagic fever. Whilst a child it appeared odd to me that 1) anybody would go on a seashore journey trip alone with a stranger they’d simply met, 2) they’d choose their date, sight unseen, based mostly on generic softball questions like “What’s your thought of a enjoyable first date?” and three) the lady would typically look totally stricken when she lastly met her chosen suitor head to head, though solely one of many contestants ever turned out to be a serial killer. (That we all know of, anyway.)
I couldn’t assist however consider that present after Republicans selected Rep. Mike Johnson to steer the Home for nonetheless lengthy we’ve got left till the rapture, when God lastly calls Randy Quaid and his Igloo cooler filled with squirrel heads house. The ordeal felt a bit like an episode of “The Courting Recreation” the place Steve Scalise, Jim Jordan, and Johnson have been the three keen bachelors and Republicans in some way determined Johnson was their least creepy possibility.
I can virtually image a beaming Johnson declaring how tremendous hard-core he’s going to like America as quickly as he will get it alone: “For our first date, I’d prefer to fly you to Idaho, pressure you right into a covenant marriage, and stare at you for the remainder of your pure life with the baleful mien of a Christmas elf who doesn’t prefer to make toys however does have an oddly particular penchant for unlicensed taxidermy.”
In different phrases, Republicans selected this man with valuable little forethought or vetting, and it sorta feels prefer it might backfire. Perhaps slightly, possibly loads. However we already know he’s all-in on pressured start, The Large Lie, criminalizing homosexual intercourse, and handing Ukraine over to Vladimir Putin, so naturally he’ll be an excellent model ambassador for the GOP heading into the 2024 election cycle.
This week on the Sunday exhibits, Johnson’s identify got here up greater than it ever has earlier than. As well as, Maria Bartiromo of “Sunday Morning Futures” scored an unique interview with the person himself. I absolutely anticipated her to ask about Johnson’s plan for governing and whether or not it’s simpler for a Christian dominionist weirdo and real-life “Handmaid’s Story” character to maintain a present on Fox Information or be elected speaker of the Home with the unanimous assist of his social gathering, however Johnson was too busy mendacity to get into an excessive amount of element on any of that.
He did have some essential stuff to say, although. Principally lies, however what else is new?
So let’s dive in, lets?
1.
Usually if I have been cueing up a Tim Kaine clip I’d warn you nicely prematurely so that you had time to order smelling salts and a house defibrillator on Amazon, however on this case he’s precisely what we’d like. He’s the person for the hour. And the one after that. And the following one, too. Aaaaand … oh, shit, he’s nonetheless going. Oh, no, did he simply begin in on the macroeconomic implications of company sorghum subsidies? Once more? We could possibly be right here some time. Hope you introduced a e book.
So that you didn’t need industrious, conscientious, and severe leaders like Tim Kaine, eh, America? Nicely, look what you bought as an alternative. Kaine could also be as thrilling as plain oatmeal, however not less than he’s good for you. You went with the Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs, they usually turned out to be precise bombs.
Kaine joined “The Saturday/Sunday Present with Jonathan Capehart” to debate the yang to his yin, new Home Speaker Mike Johnson—who’s additionally fairly boring, however in that lawful evil manner Republicans have at all times beloved.
CAPEHART: “Earlier than we get into the nitty-gritty, simply typically your view of Speaker Mike Johnson, what he represents?”
KAINE: “Nicely, Jonathan, he’s probably the most highly effective Republican in America. He’s the face of at the moment’s GOP. He’s second in line to the president, and also you outlined the positions he had, from election denial to local weather science denial to anti-LGBTQ, anti-women’s reproductive rights. That is who the Republican Celebration is now, and keep in mind, he obtained the vote of each member of the Republican caucus to be speaker. So that’s clearly a really totally different imaginative and prescient than Virginians have, a really totally different imaginative and prescient than Senate Democrats or Republicans have, and so it units up some difficult occasions forward. However all that mentioned, it’s higher to have a speaker than not have a speaker, as a result of we’ve got essential work to do for the American public.”
It is higher to have a speaker than to not have a speaker. That’s true. And it was higher for the Titanic to have a captain, if solely to inform the string quartet the place to arrange. However Kaine makes some nice factors, and much more importantly, he presents a residing, respiratory distinction to at the moment’s GOP, which is thrilling in the identical manner that purchasing Tylenol in October 1982 was thrilling.
If you’d like sober, regular, and policy-focused, you’d do nicely to elect extra Democrats like Kaine. If you wish to have a toddler each 10 months and, seconds after giving start, be pressured to shout, “Thanks, Jesus, might I’ve one other?!” then Mike Johnson is certainly your man.
Transferring on.
RELATED: Sunday 4-Play: McCarthy nonetheless blames Dems for GOP clown present, and Cheney would possibly run for president?
2.
As Kaine mentioned, it is very important have a speaker. Who else goes to attempt to impeach Joe Biden for no purpose? New Speaker Mike Johnson, newly hatched from the Republican-pol pod farm miles beneath Koch Industries, appeared on “Sunday Morning Futures” with Maria Bartiromo to additional gaslight a weary nation that’s had nearly sufficient of this nonsense already.
Bartiromo requested the query that’s on the prime of each American’s thoughts: Are you going to maintain the Biden impeachment charade going via the 2024 election?
BARTIROMO: “What concerning the investigations into the potential Biden household affect peddling, potential bribery? Are you going to allocate the monetary sources and human capital wanted to do an in-depth investigation? And can an impeachment inquiry flip into an official impeachment?”
JOHNSON: “We’ll see, Maria. I labored on the committees of jurisdiction, and Judiciary is a kind of. I believe our chairmen have performed an distinctive job, you’ve spoken to all of them. Jamie Comer and Jim Jordan and Jason Smith, on Oversight and Judiciary and Methods and Means. They’ve continued these investigations. Even whereas we have been going via the tumult of the speaker’s race, they have been nonetheless working methodically via that. I’m encouraging that. I believe we’ve got a constitutional accountability to observe this fact the place it leads. We’re the rule-of-law crew. We don’t use this for political partisan video games just like the Democrats have performed and did in opposition to Donald Trump twice. We’re going to observe the regulation and observe the Structure, and also you and I’ve a suspicion of the place that will lead, however we’re going to let the proof communicate for itself, and I sit up for rolling that out over the approaching days and weeks and letting the American individuals see precisely why we’re taking the subsequent steps and the place it’s headed.”
Okay, nobody has time to totally parse all of the lies and barmy nonsense Johnson packed into that brief clip. Suffice to say, Republicans haven’t any proof in opposition to Biden. Actually, their one large listening to on the topic was so effing embarrassing, Home Oversight Committee Chair James Comer not too long ago advised reporters, “I don’t know that I wanna maintain any extra hearings, to be trustworthy with you.” Which is a bizarre factor to say if, as Johnson claims, they simply need to let “the American individuals see precisely why we’re speaking these subsequent steps and the place it’s headed.”
However flipping actuality on its head is type of the GOP’s model now. Donald Trump might have extorted a international energy with the intention to dig up filth on Biden, and sure, he tried to illegally overturn the outcomes of a free and truthful election and was all-in when his feral mob determined it wished to hold Mike Pence (he ought to have recognized Pence would cling himself ultimately), however President Biden loaned some cash to his brother. And his brother paid it again!
Rule-of-Legislation Celebration to the rescue!
Sadly, simply based mostly on the few clips we’ve seen, it’s clear that Johnson is the type of liar who can lie straight to your face with out flinching. And if I by no means watched something on Sunday mornings moreover Fox Information and Alvin Styczynski’s Polka Palooza, I’d be fairly satisfied by him, too. However I watch all the polka exhibits, and pattern greater than only one Sunday present, too. So I’m not fooled by him for a second, regardless of what number of outrageous fibs he tells for Jesus.
RELATED: Sunday 4-Play: GOP nonetheless deciding which fanatical, anti-American traitor to anoint as speaker
3.
High Trump gadfly Chris Christie is again. He appeared on CNN’s “State of the Union” with Jake Tapper to assist us confirm the apparent: Murderous autocrat and warfare felony Vladimir Putin’s finest pal in America is Donald Trump. And if Trump returns to energy, Putin will get just about every part he needs (together with a U.S. withdrawal from NATO, although Christie did not particularly point out that half), and Ukraine shall be left twisting in a really foul wind.
Sure, Christie remains to be telling the reality about Donald Trump, which is a giant purpose why he’s caught at roughly 3% within the polls. You possibly can’t be a truth-teller and anticipate to win something as a Republican.
TAPPER: “Let’s flip to the warfare in Israel. President Biden has proposed a $105 billion international help package deal, which incorporates assist to each Israel and Ukraine and another priorities. Donald Trump mentioned yesterday that Ukraine help and Israel help must be separate, it must be decoupled. What do you suppose?”
CHRISTIE: “Nicely, that is Donald Trump’s, you realize, dangerous worldview. Look, he needs to do it and separate them as a result of he needs to proceed to coddle Putin, as he’s performed from the minute he grew to become president of the USA and going ahead from there. This help is related as a result of these assaults are related. There’s little doubt that Russia, China and Iran, and North Korea are all working collectively to attempt to disrupt the world and create violence. We have to assist Israel and assist them strongly, and we have to assist our mates in Ukraine as nicely. Bear in mind, Jake, we made a promise to them in 1992 after they eliminated nuclear missiles and returned them to Russia that we’d shield them if Russia attacked. We have to maintain our guarantees.”
Wait, did anybody else discover what I seen? Christie simply admitted that Trump has been coddling Putin from the second he grew to become president. Is that why Christie risked his life to assist Trump put together for the debates in opposition to Biden? So Trump might proceed coddling Putin for an additional 4 years?
Republicans. I inform ya, man. Even after they’re telling the reality they’re as much as their eyeballs in horseshit.
4.
In fact, Donald Trump isn’t the one Republican who needs to coddle Putin. Enabling mass murderers is all the craze within the GOP lately. Whereas they’re wanting to ship help to Israel, which was attacked by a terrorist group with a small fraction of Israel’s sources, Ukraine was invaded by the No. 2 army on this planet (by beet consumption, anyway), and it’s doing an ideal job curbing Putin’s imperial ambitions. In different phrases, Ukraine is shedding its residents’ blood for the sake of Europe’s and the world’s democracies, not only for its personal pursuits. If you wish to promote democracy and comprise brutal autocracy, that is the battle you have to be being attentive to.
However because the latest speaker battle proved, these jabronis take their orders from Donald Trump now, and Trump nonetheless needs to construct a giant tower in Moscow. Maybe to dwell in, however that continues to be to be seen.
Sen. J.D. Vance joined host Margaret Brennan on “Face the Nation” to throw our courageous and dependable ally Ukraine underneath the busski.
BRENNAN: “We simply heard the brand new Home Speaker, you will have some similarities with him when it comes to separating out Israel help from Ukraine help. He did say, although, ‘We are able to’t enable Putin to prevail in Ukraine as a result of I don’t consider it will cease there. We’re not going to desert them.’ What a part of that assertion is objectionable to you?”
VANCE: “Nicely, nothing is objectionable within the sense that if I might wave a magic wand and throw Putin out of Ukraine, I’d, however what we’ve got to just accept is there’s a distinction between what ought to occur and what can occur. America has restricted capability. Simply within the Israeli battle, for instance, there are 300,000 artillery shells the Israelis would like to have entry to. They don’t have entry to them. Why? As a result of we despatched them to Ukraine. We’ve got a rising risk of China in East Asia. There are weapons the Taiwanese want that we will’t ship as a result of we despatched them to Ukraine. We’ve got to focus. That’s all I’m saying.”
Uh-huh. You understand, when a man who nonetheless helps Donald Trump claims “we’ve got to focus,” it’s virtually an excessive amount of for a single human mind to course of. I could should hook into the Borg hive thoughts for a number of whereas I attempt to make sense of it. We’ve got to focus, so let’s make this googly-eyed Adderall golem president once more. That positive would assist!
Additionally, we will’t maintain sending cash to Ukraine. They could win, and the place will we be then? So let’s get the Los Alamos Nationwide Laboratory began on that magic wand! We’ve bought the dangerous guys on the run now!
These individuals. Sheesh.
RELATED: Sunday 4-Play: Matt Gaetz tries to ‘splain himself, and Blinken responds to GOP lies about Hamas
However wait! There’s extra!
That’s all for this week! Have a cheerful Halloween! It’s a daunting world on the market lately, so possibly take a while to unwind with a number of of these “Noticed” motion pictures and possibly an “Exorcist” or two.
Take a look at Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, together with the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this hyperlink. Or, in case you favor a take a look at drive, you’ll be able to obtain the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low worth of FREE.
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