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I Know Whatcha Thinkin’
The third quarter of 2023 has formally been vanquished by the evil time troopers and their chief, Sir Ticksalot. Which means it is C&J number-crunching time. Each few months we submit the outcomes of some latest C&J polls to offer you a snapshot of our collective neural exercise which, if we may bottle it, would most likely violate a number of federal, state and native bottling legal guidelines. These are some outcomes from July by way of September:
» How would you grade Ketanji Brown Jackson’s first yr on the bench as a Supreme Courtroom Justice? 95% gave her an A, 4 p.c a B.
» Throughout an elevator trip throughout which you’ve got 30 seconds to pitch President Biden’s successes, 29% of you’d begin along with his file on jobs (lower than 4 p.c unemployment for the longest stretch in 50 years), adopted by inflation being lower by two-thirds (23%), and his large funding in small companies and U.S. manufacturing (21%).
» 100% disagree with Florida’s new training requirements that contend slavery wasn’t so unhealthy as a result of it taught just a few of them how you can be blacksmiths.
Continued…
» 71 p.c of you suppose the local weather/international warming disaster will tackle better significance amongst voters as a marketing campaign difficulty in 2024 than earlier elections. 21 p.c don’t.
» How would you price the general job efficiency of Secretary of State Antony Blinken? 51 p.c stated wonderful, 38 p.c rated him good, and three p.c rated him truthful.
» Amongst Trump’s co-defendants within the Georgia case, 48 p.c have been happiest to see Rudy Giuliani on the record, adopted by Mark Meadows (25%) and John Eastman (15%).
» Autumn is the favourite season for 49 p.c of you.
» What number of streaming providers do Day by day Kos members have? 36 p.c have none, 29 p.c have one or two, and 35 p.c p.c have three or extra.
» 99 p.c agree with the Inside Division’s resolution to cancel oil & fuel leases within the Arctic Nationwide Wildlife Refuge that have been bought to an Alaska industrial developer by the earlier administration.
» And 94 p.c have gotten, or plan to get, the Covid-19 booster shot.
As at all times, thanks for taking part in our C&J polls. In the event you’re on Weight Watchers, do not forget that voting counts as 22 cardiovascular exercise factors.
And now, our function presentation…
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Cheers and Jeers for Monday, October 2, 2023
Observe: Now that the federal government has handed a 45-day price range extension, the Martian invasion led by that rotten turncoat Curiosity has been postponed for 46 days. The Jewish area laser has been re-holstered and we bid you a cheerful Monday. —House Power
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By the Numbers:
Days ’til we flip our clocks again: 34
Days ’til Twin Cities Oktoberfest in Minnesota: 4
Yr-over-year drop in condo rental charges: 1.2%
Preliminary weekly unemployment claims introduced final week, a bit increased than the week earlier than, however nonetheless fairly low: 204,000
Per cent of the Swiss glaciers misplaced over the past two years: 10%
Variety of women and men, respectively, who spoke from the podium at this yr’s U.N. Basic Meeting: 174 / 21
Drop in viewership between the primary and second MAGA freak present debates: -27%
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Pet Pic of the Day: Howdy…
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CHEERS to October. Busy month forward! Autumn kicks into excessive gear for leaf-peepers, cider-lovers, flannel wearers, and pumpkin spice nerds. The Supreme Courtroom gavels itself into session (Clarence Thomas will put out the best linen Nazi napkins from pal Harlan Crow for his or her mimosas). Pink ribbons proliferate for breast most cancers consciousness month. The Nobel Prizes shall be doled out beginning as we speak, and this yr I’m the favourite to win within the class of “Simply You For Being You.” Plus:
Barack and Michelle Obama have fun their thirty first anniversary tomorrow. October’s full moon (the twenty eighth) known as a “Hunter’s Moon” as a result of it’s within the form of his laptop computer Ha Ha Ha Ha Topical Moon Humor! Advocates for the best to maintain and naked arms—heaps and plenty of arms—will have fun World Octopus Day on the 8th. It is LGBTQ Historical past Month and the eleventh is “Coming Out Day.” Plus it is also “ex-gay consciousness month” throughout which we’ll all mirror on how there aren’t really any ex-gays to pay attention to. Columbus Day (subsequent Monday) turns into extra of an undesirable relic as extra states and communities substitute it with Indigenous Peoples Day. And I’m predicting the right-wingers will boycott Halloween on the thirty first as a result of, in fact, carrying masks is now worse than the holocaust.
Oh…and Ukraine will proceed their ongoing Russian tank and artillery blow-up-a-thon as Donald Trump continues his ongoing indictment-a-thon.
Promising new films embody The Burial (Jamie Foxx and Tommy Lee Jones), The Holdovers (Paul Giamatti), Scorsese’s Killers of the Flower Moon, and 101 horror flicks. And hovering over the whole lot just like the Tasmanian Satan on Pink Bull is anticipation of Election Day 2023, that means we’re in for a month-long torrent of political adverts, texts, emails, and stunts forward of the November elections. Strap your self in. Bumpy trip forward.
CHEERS to yuks at midnight. Simply in time to rake Home Republicans over the coals for his or her silly authorities shutdown-related stunts (a 45-day extension handed late Saturday, so we’re okay for now), the late-nighters return to their levels tonight, due to the tip of the writers’ strike—a victory for the WGA and union supporters in all places. To prime the pump, listed below are a few of their zingers from the 2013 shutdown:
“Midnight tonight is the deadline for Congress to move their price range for the yr. And in the event that they don’t, issues shut down—which is unhealthy as a result of we have to hold the federal government working to allow them to proceed to not do issues on our behalf.” (Jimmy Kimmel)
“The federal government shutdown goes to slash the price range for meals inspection. That is unhealthy information for well being advocates, however nice information for the brand new Japanese restaurant: Leap of Religion Sushi.” (Conan O’Brien)
“The way to finish the federal government shutdown: I believe in case you maintain down Texas and Maine on the identical time, it routinely reboots.” (Stephen Colbert)
“If it seems that President Obama could make a cope with probably the most intransigent, hard-line, unreasonable totalitarian mullahs on this planet, however not with Republicans, perhaps he is not the issue.” (Jon Stewart)
“Individuals are saying now that earlier than the federal government shutdown congressmen went out and acquired drunk, celebrating that that they had shut down the federal government. That is the type of factor that would injury their 10 p.c approval ranking.” (David Letterman)
“No less than right here in America, essential companies just like the U.S. Border Patrol are nonetheless on the job. That is a great factor. The very last thing we’d like is an inflow of Canadians, with their politeness and a authorities that is open every single day.” (Craig Ferguson)
Yeah. That will be horrible, eh.
JEERS to as we speak’s vehicles. Name me a nostalgic idiot, however none of them have the simplicity or the…um…blackness of the Mannequin T, which was launched 115 years in the past this week. Price: $850. Place in automotive lore: priceless.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to portraits in distinction. Fifty-six years in the past as we speak, on Oct. 2nd, 1967, Thurgood Marshall was sworn in as the latest member of the Supreme Courtroom—the primary African-American elevated to the nation’s highest bench. He as soon as stated:
“At this time’s Structure is a sensible doc of freedom solely due to a number of corrective amendments. These amendments converse to a way of decency and equity that I and different Blacks cherish.”
Fifty-six years later there’s an African-American on the bench named Clarence Thomas. He as soon as stated, “How did this pubic hair get on my Coke can, Ms. Hill? Ha ha ha.” My god, it’s like they’re twins.
JEERS to the dick within the dock. I have not written a lot about all of the pending trials of the 45th president and his co-defendants (a real rogues gallery of relations, political cronies, dumb-as-rocks “faux electors,” and even a clown automobile of attorneys) as a result of it is so overwhelming. To maintain my head from spinning and my impatience from gnawing at my intestine, I have a look at his destiny like that of the Titanic. The “unsinkable” ship scraped an iceberg after which sat there for a bit because the forces of physics slowly did their factor and eventually despatched it to the underside. Final week his bloated carcass of fraud began to tackle water when a decide took away a few of his valuable New York enterprise licenses. And as we speak that very same decide will formally gavel open a civil trial (bench trial, no jury) to find out simply how deep his crimey enterprise reached. That is fascinating:
Trump is anticipated to be within the Manhattan courtroom on Monday and Tuesday earlier than departing on Wednesday, although the sources stated his plans may at all times change.
Throughout a marketing campaign cease in California on Friday, Trump was requested if he would attend the civil trial and responded: “I could, I could.”
Translation: he ain’t gonna be inside 100 miles of that courtroom.
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Ten years in the past in C&J: October 2, 2013
JEERS to bigots with bullhorns. Fireplace up the jalopy, Pa! The preznit of World Internet Day by day is organizin’ a rally and this time it ends with Obama changing into “Go” bama:
“The time has come to mass in Washington, D.C., on Nov. 19, and to interact in peaceable civil disobedience, Ghandi and Martin Luther King fashion, to lastly power Obama to resign the presidency and go away workplace instantly—or else face the music for his latest conviction for election fraud and different crimes. As in 1776, the folks should now take motion to rid the nation of this new, way more evil tyrant, who makes King George III appear like a Boy Scout.”
If you cannot make it to the occasion, you may really feel the identical impact of being there by gnawing on some lead-based paint chips and forgetting the whole lot you recognize that is true.
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And only one extra…
CHEERS to the thin brown man with the massive ears and the humorous identify. No, not Barack Obama. India‘s favourite son, Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi would’ve been 153 as we speak. He just about wrote the guide on non-violent dissent which, nearer to residence, was tailored to nice impact by Martin Luther King, Jr. and John Lewis, amongst others. In honor of his day, some timeless Gandhi knowledge:
“Energy is of two varieties. One is obtained by the concern of punishment and the opposite by acts of affection. Energy based mostly on love is a thousand occasions more practical and everlasting then the one derived from concern of punishment.”
“Non-violence is the best power on the disposal of mankind. It’s mightier than the mightiest weapon of destruction devised by the ingenuity of man”
“The greatness of a nation could be judged by the best way its animals are handled.”
“Dwell as in case you have been to die tomorrow. Study as in case you have been to dwell without end.”
And this one, which appears particularly related in mild of the present Republican battle on American democracy:
“Once I despair, I do not forget that all by way of historical past the methods of reality and love have at all times received. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time they’ll appear invincible, however in the long run they at all times fall. Consider it—at all times.”
I simply want they weren’t so good at getting again up. However, yeah, okay…level taken.
Have a tolerable Monday. Flooring’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about as we speak?
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At this time’s Shameless C&J Testimonial
Invoice in Portland Maine Says Obama’s Notes For Cheers and Jeers ‘Scared The F**ok Out Of Me’
—HuffPost
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